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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
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Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Why eat corn when it does not digest?
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\'
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
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Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
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They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
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Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
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If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
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It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:27
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